Boy: After Video Game Thoughts.
Why does water want to drown us if we don’t fight it off? Why do we need to keep capturing air in our lungs and let it escape all the time? Can’t we just keep it in there? Why do we have to walk everywhere? Why are roller skates such a taboo in the work place? Why has no one ever spliced our genes with a bird so we can have wings? Why do we have to introduce ourselves before we kiss a girl? Why can’t we just tell if we like someone from the looks? Can’t we just kiss? What’s with all the formalities? Life’s a mystery and I’ll never know what’s going on. You know what’s a good thing? Not giving a shit. Best thing I’ve ever done. Depression man, it’s never been a solution, except it’s a good way to get rid of happiness. Man, happiness can be a bit of a shitter sometimes right? Who wants to be happy all the time? How would you know you’re happy if you’ve not been depressed? Why do we have to know both feelings to know one from the other? Couldn’t we just know?
Why does language have to be separate? Who made cultures an exclusive club? Why do things have to be complicated? Hasn’t anyone found a cheat code to make things simpler? Down, down, left, right, a,b,c, start or something? What smart arse made us control life without a joy-pad? Someone cocked up there.
Bullshit, all of it. Right and wrongs doesn’t seem to make much sense especially as you make so many wrongs. It’s like someone’s there telling you that you’re a fuck up and they want to make sure you know that just in case you start to actually feel good about yourself. Who wants that?
Couldn’t even defeat Sephiroth today, that’s how bad today was. You think you’re ready, you train your arse off, then you realise you didn’t get the right materia then you’re back training again. I think I should get outside more, but what then? Play football? Do I need that embarrassment in my life? Probably. But then you’re not the boss of me are you? I got told I had to keep a journal by my therapist, who’s a nob. All he does is tell me I think too much, what am I meant to do? Not think? Live a little he said, pay less attention to how I’m acting and just get by. Well getting by is a bit boring when you’re not keeping track. How else you going to spot the losers from the freaks? I know, I think that much I realised I’m both. Doesn’t make that much difference to be honest, rather be a freak and live inside my head then be normal and forget that I can think for myself. And I don’t mean thinking for yourself like ‘I don’t want sugar in my macchiato’, I mean think for yourself like ‘do I want to be doing the same damn thing every day, forever’. Daunting as shit! Who wants to go through motions like that, you know what a watch does? Goes around and around all day, motions. It’s another name for routines what destroy the soul. Don’t do it. Go have a burger when you normally have banana. Jump in a puddle for the fun of it. Kick the pile of autumn leaves of the ground for the sheer thrill. And you think it’s immature but what they don’t tell you is maturity is just a word, it’s none existent, it’s a matter of being grown up and forgetting you had a life before life took over. That’s what maturity means.
I hid in a tree yesterday, stayed there for three hours just to see if anyone would notice me. Why? Why not. That’s a philosophy in itself. Forget Socrates, forget Hobbes, forget Locke, and forget Rousseau. You know what those guys taught? An opinion and opinions are great, especially when they’re formed by your own brain.
I finish college soon. Made me panic if I’m honest. Like what exactly am I meant to be or become? Shouldn’t there be a guidebook what isn’t just full of courses to take? How the hell was I meant to know I would be crap at geography? Should have taken music, or drama, but I thought I was going to be bad at those. Put it this way, I like English but I’m crap at it. I’m just self destructive, and none-teachable. Best thing I ever did was a poem, it was great, I wrote one against Nirvana’s ‘Dumb’ and I sort of put my own words to it, but they were my words. My teacher didn’t even believe I wrote it, and that was my lesson in life, don’t try for people who you’ve already shown distaste to, no matter how hard you try you’ll never impress them.
So today’s been pretty stressful. I’ve got to choose. Choose life: Irvine Welsh style. Not in drugs or no drugs, just chose a path I suppose. I’ve been sat in front of this prospectus for hours and the only difference between now and before is that I now know I don’t like looking at prospectuses!
Sometimes I wonder if I just kept running would I lead anywhere or would I just end up back home. If I did end up back at home would it be worth all the running around? Would it be easier just to point and choose? It’s my life worth a blindless point? You know who I hate? Talented people. They’ve got a road so neatly laid out for them. ‘Go on then guys just take from the flourishing waters of life, don’t leave me any!’ Hate them all. I’m not even a hateful person I just get annoyed to think that I have to work hard just to do something what isn’t considered a catastrophic failure.
I think the best thing to do in times like these is just to say fuck it and procrastinate as making decisions is just too damn expected.
Why does language have to be separate? Who made cultures an exclusive club? Why do things have to be complicated? Hasn’t anyone found a cheat code to make things simpler? Down, down, left, right, a,b,c, start or something? What smart arse made us control life without a joy-pad? Someone cocked up there.
Bullshit, all of it. Right and wrongs doesn’t seem to make much sense especially as you make so many wrongs. It’s like someone’s there telling you that you’re a fuck up and they want to make sure you know that just in case you start to actually feel good about yourself. Who wants that?
Couldn’t even defeat Sephiroth today, that’s how bad today was. You think you’re ready, you train your arse off, then you realise you didn’t get the right materia then you’re back training again. I think I should get outside more, but what then? Play football? Do I need that embarrassment in my life? Probably. But then you’re not the boss of me are you? I got told I had to keep a journal by my therapist, who’s a nob. All he does is tell me I think too much, what am I meant to do? Not think? Live a little he said, pay less attention to how I’m acting and just get by. Well getting by is a bit boring when you’re not keeping track. How else you going to spot the losers from the freaks? I know, I think that much I realised I’m both. Doesn’t make that much difference to be honest, rather be a freak and live inside my head then be normal and forget that I can think for myself. And I don’t mean thinking for yourself like ‘I don’t want sugar in my macchiato’, I mean think for yourself like ‘do I want to be doing the same damn thing every day, forever’. Daunting as shit! Who wants to go through motions like that, you know what a watch does? Goes around and around all day, motions. It’s another name for routines what destroy the soul. Don’t do it. Go have a burger when you normally have banana. Jump in a puddle for the fun of it. Kick the pile of autumn leaves of the ground for the sheer thrill. And you think it’s immature but what they don’t tell you is maturity is just a word, it’s none existent, it’s a matter of being grown up and forgetting you had a life before life took over. That’s what maturity means.
I hid in a tree yesterday, stayed there for three hours just to see if anyone would notice me. Why? Why not. That’s a philosophy in itself. Forget Socrates, forget Hobbes, forget Locke, and forget Rousseau. You know what those guys taught? An opinion and opinions are great, especially when they’re formed by your own brain.
I finish college soon. Made me panic if I’m honest. Like what exactly am I meant to be or become? Shouldn’t there be a guidebook what isn’t just full of courses to take? How the hell was I meant to know I would be crap at geography? Should have taken music, or drama, but I thought I was going to be bad at those. Put it this way, I like English but I’m crap at it. I’m just self destructive, and none-teachable. Best thing I ever did was a poem, it was great, I wrote one against Nirvana’s ‘Dumb’ and I sort of put my own words to it, but they were my words. My teacher didn’t even believe I wrote it, and that was my lesson in life, don’t try for people who you’ve already shown distaste to, no matter how hard you try you’ll never impress them.
So today’s been pretty stressful. I’ve got to choose. Choose life: Irvine Welsh style. Not in drugs or no drugs, just chose a path I suppose. I’ve been sat in front of this prospectus for hours and the only difference between now and before is that I now know I don’t like looking at prospectuses!
Sometimes I wonder if I just kept running would I lead anywhere or would I just end up back home. If I did end up back at home would it be worth all the running around? Would it be easier just to point and choose? It’s my life worth a blindless point? You know who I hate? Talented people. They’ve got a road so neatly laid out for them. ‘Go on then guys just take from the flourishing waters of life, don’t leave me any!’ Hate them all. I’m not even a hateful person I just get annoyed to think that I have to work hard just to do something what isn’t considered a catastrophic failure.
I think the best thing to do in times like these is just to say fuck it and procrastinate as making decisions is just too damn expected.
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